Walking with Anger

Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear, pain and frustration

I think anger might be one of the most commonly suppressed emotions. I mean for me; I know it is. Some of it has been surfacing since the beginning of my journey with EMDR. There are mornings I wake up mad as hell with the anger I suppressed from years ago.

The suppression, for me, comes from not wanting to behave in a way that is outside of who it is I want to be. I’ve packed it in so deep that, I get surprised when it shows up.

There are four stages to anger: The buildup, the spark, the explosion, the aftermath.

I’m simmering today (the buildup) trying to think of a healthy way to release what I’m feeling. Ways we cope look different for everyone. Some of us will shove it so deep inside again that it’ll only surface again later. I like to take time to do breathing exercises, paint, or plant something.

So, these could be labeled as a distraction, and I believe, sometimes that’s okay as long as the process doesn’t end there. You will still have to deal with the anger. Cooling down before you handle it can be important to honoring your peaceful self.

I know why I’m feeling angry. The information I have about what is going on inside is important to in deciding how to move forward. I am aware that my anger is a biproduct of another emotion. Hurt. And so, the appropriate action would be to set a boundary.

Boundaries are how we teach people to treat us. That doesn’t mean we will never get mistreated, but it does give an edge in what we allow in our lives. Boundaries are not barriers.

Barriers are for keeping things out. Barriers tend to keep us on the same path of emotion. If we are not open to experiencing again, then we are stuck in the feelings that built the barrier. And then we never move forward. We are anchored to the feelings and the experience.

Boundaries draw a line. In order to connect or stay connected to each other, to humanity, we cannot keep things out. So, even if I feel like building a great big fortress of a barrier, I’m going to focus on something that allows me to heal in a healthier way.

A boundary.

This would be my action step in managing the anger. This is me saying to me, “You cannot change what happened, but you can influence how you move forward”. It is accepting responsibility for my participation and holding other people accountable for their actions as well. It’s taking my power in that I get to decide how to engage in the future, or if I even want to.

Knowing why I am angry is part of the battle, setting the boundary is another part, but I have anger at myself too because why I am angry has been a repeating theme. And it is because of weaker boundaries.

I won’t berate myself however, I recognize it and will do the work to change it. And I can be gentle with myself, my anger, and my hurt while learning how.

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