If Donald Trump Was a Gamer

SATIRE

“We are going to build a digital wall between us and China, and China is going to pay for that wall!”

Donald Trump has been swapped from his role as the President into a gamer, and the gaming world has had a reckoning with its “Gamer-in-Chief”. Trump has singlehandedly taken the gaming world by storm, leading a legion of teenage gamers into protest over the new censor that the game has put on, which was motivated by Trump’s abusive and derogatory language towards other gamers.

In the gaming world, Trump has promoted a law and order message to all developers out there. Developers and executives of gaming companies have been confused as to what Trump means — but recent developments has shown that Trump’s iPhone created after he attempted to pay $1,000,000 in-game currency, crashing the servers as well. Despite the fact that he clearly has more money to spend than any gamer, Trump decried the mobile games were too pay to win:

Not only did Trump single-handedly crash a mobile game server with his reckless spending, but he also, like many gamers, has been frustrated with poor bugs and glitches in the game.

Afterwards, Trump implored Congress to make a full-on sanction on Chinese-made games and products.

Trump, while playing Fortnite against teenagers, feared losing as a referendum on his aptitude as a player. However, Trump assured reporters that if he did lose, he might not concede defeat, referencing legal precedent set by Fortnite itself, who refuses to concede defeat to Apple and Google.

Other gamers expressed simple exasperation playing with Trump, especially in MMORPGs, telling reporters that Trump was taking MMOs way too seriously. In each game, Trump slandered guilds that wouldn’t accept him for his low level. He would bully his way to guild leadership. When the guild started performing poorly and losing members, Trump decided to blame old leadership:

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