Parenting.

Parenting is not an easy task. The neglect and the abuse, both mental and physical, on the children by parents was a growing concern during the early 20th century. It was common sight for children to live and work alongside adults in deplorable conditions, sans hygiene, safety. The lack of parenting skills added to the misery of the children. This compelled the world, finally in 1959,to create the Declaration of the Rights of the Child bestow rights to the child of today.

Now retired after teaching/mentoring for more than 28 years, my journey was enriched by many life experiences which made me more the wiser to the many aspects of parenting.

One instance stands out the most. The unintentional change in attitude towards the first born.

The offensive behaviour of a child in class. This boy played truant, would be a deterrent in the teaching process. Every teacher was exasperated. The class teacher brought this to my attention. In a meeting of all teachers of that class/section, I jotted down their observations of the boy’s activities during the class.

Then began the counselling sessions. I learnt that he was the eldest and the younger child was a girl, a toddler. He confessed he felt jealous of his younger sibling as both parents gave her their undivided attention.

During our sessions, I edged him to reveal the many instances, though minor from the parents point of view, which made him feel neglected.

The time when he returned from school. Earlier, his mother would welcome him home with a glass of chilled water and take his school bag off his back and place it in the allotted space; help him change into formal wear. But, after the birth of the younger sibling, all this changed. His mother would tell him to help himself to water from the refrigerator, keep his bag and change into in-formals. All the while his mother dotted around the younger one.

He felt angered and jealous.

I then called for a meeting with the parents. The mother admitted to paying more attention to the younger child as she thought that the boy was now grown enough to fend for himself, and she could pay more attention to the younger who needed all the help that she could get. This appeared totally normal for the mother. The father too agreed. They could not remember the last hug the parents had given the boy. So much time had elapsed. The mother wept at the unintentional neglect of her elder child. The father too felt the error of his attitude towards the eldest.

I called the child into the meeting and the parents hugged their offspring with tears of joy. The boy too looked happy, but there was a sort of layback expression. But natural.

I requested for another session after a fortnight.

After a fortnight, I called the connected teachers and requested them to fill me in about the boy’s behaviour in the class. They were unanimous. The boy had changed. He was no more the distractor in the class, his assignments had started coming in with regularity. He appeared to look confident and sure of himself.

The parents too reported a drastic change in his behaviour at home. He did his assignments and study without being told to. There was a palpable aura cheerfulness around him.

As parents in India, we need to take care of the little things to be parents of tomorrow’s adult in this fast morphing world

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