Perfumes

He has two perfumes. Each of them is in a bottle. One is titled ‘A’. The other is titled ‘B’. When he sprays A, the fragrance causes a chemical reaction in his brain which turns on a set of switches. That alignment of the switches causes him to feel like a very rational, logical, scientific person, who likes to see the forces of nature at work around him, who indulges in all kind of mathematics just to ensure proper cooking of instant noodles and coffee preparation. He likes to correct anything unscientific happening around him, does not like people who do not give their reasoning and full attention to every task they are performing; in fact he hates them. This causes them to hate him back, simply because of him being so rude about such small things. He does not believe in god and questions the need of religion itself. He just cannot see people work like they do and becomes a secretive narcissist. He goes into his shell and his communication to anyone outside his very close friend circle is based on that person’s perception in his logical, rational balance. He does not see significance in small things, but looks at the whole machine from a distance, being good at abstraction, and always stays focused on goals. He becomes a perfect mechanic, able to solve things efficiently and correctly given sufficient information.

When he sprays perfume B, he becomes a believer. The chemical reaction in his brain causes him to believe in small things. He still knows the bigger goals, but he starts paying more attention to details, because he thinks life is too short to worry of big things. He understands the timidity of human life and actions, but he finds it comforting to contribute to anything. He does not become a theist overnight, but he believes in purpose and destiny, which work as motivation for him. He may say things to people and look at them in a manner completely different from before. People like him with this perfume on, because he becomes so much more sensitive, heeding to people who do not make sense, just so to not hurt them. He contradicts his previous statements which were rude to people, by saying that he wasn’t thinking clearly earlier, because he believes that every person has a role in all lives and they should not be repelled. He may still not believe in their words or actions, but finds equilibrium between their actions disturbing him and their actions affecting him. He chooses to endure frustration, because he learns how to channel it out of him and simultaneously not hurting anyone. He lives to live a holistic life.

People complain to him about his two different personalities and advise him to always use perfume B, but he observes that when he uses B, the overhead of activities for keeping people happy and being liked is taking toll on his efficiency at his work and his goals may be hindered. He observes it and weighs is heavily when he has perfume A sprayed on him. While on B, he thinks that maybe if he is not efficient enough, it is acceptable as long as he is happy and keeping people happy. But when he sprays A, he is no longer happy with what he had decided before. He does not find joy in getting grades or making money because for him, it is just a means to get somewhere. Unless he reaches that ‘somewhere’, he can’t be happy in hope. He must be sure before deciding to be happy. He feels that there is a list of things he must do, absolute things, however irrational or unachievable, to become happy. That happiness will be his, his alone, not adulterated by dependencies or crowded by people, family or friends. But, he can’t choose to spray only A. Although he does not feel remorse for not being liked, an unstoppable desire inside him forces him to spray B, because he cannot live without anyone. He needs B to bring people closer to him, because if not his mind, his body has needs and he has some strong emotional obligations that he cannot shut down even while on A, like his responsibilities for his parents and they do not like him with A. When he sprays on B, he thinks that spraying A was a bad idea, because it is distancing him from people, people who are in his life. When he sprays A, he finds a sense of freedom from relations, from obligations & from false pretense. It’s too tough for him to decide on one of them.

He tried to keep some portions of both in his jacket pocket, trying to spray fast whenever his situation changes, so as to be as good as possible at everything. If it was social activity, he would spray on B, but when he was at work and doing some important work alone or with like-minded people, he would spray A. For some time it worked good, but then it was too difficult to keep up with. His life was changing with high speed and too many activities included both social and academic/professional aspects of him. His workplace was a typical example. He could work with A sprayed on, but then he would not really connect with his colleagues, leading to a non-existing work social life, not being liked or liking any colleague who were not as smart as he thought himself to be.

He tried mixing the two perfumes, to make something like an AB. It seemed like a good idea, but mixing two chemicals led to a completely new perfume. It was nice, people liked him, but still he didn’t like them. He wasn’t working well, but he was happy. It was not a result he had anticipated, but he could not help. He was not a chemist. It was too unstable and unpredictable. He did not know how to mix them, in what proportions, at which temperature, in which kind of container to find a desired result. He wasn’t even sure of what he wanted, he somehow wanted the good aspects of each of them, but did not even know if it was theoretically possible. Some of the basic things were highly conflicting between the two perfumes but he was hoping for a miracle (It was an idea he got while on B).

Currently, he works in the orthodox way. He wakes up in the morning, takes a bath and while dressing up, sprays the perfume based on the day. On weekdays, he chooses A, because he wants to be as efficient as possible at work. On weekends, he sprays B. Sometimes, he sprays B on weekdays, just to experiment if anything had changed and maybe he can still work with acceptable efficiency with being social, but the results haven’t been as good as expected. He tries to spray A on weekends, trying to stay in that kind of mindset while not working. He feels very bored, crushed to death by being empty headed and have nothing to work on. He tries to fuse his activities, but that is not acceptable at all.

He talks to other people who he thinks are successful & satisfied and asks them how they solved this kind of problem. Most of them didn’t have this split problem. They are a unified personality and do not change their behavior based on perfumes. Some of them who do, said that they did have this kind of bipolar situations but they usually had it with colors of the shirt or with hair styles and as soon as they say it, he loses interest in their explanations, feeling stupid at even asking. He loathes all those who are wired good enough to not get affected by perfumes, and hates himself on getting so.

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